Husbands and Wives

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Colossians 3:18-19

This word submit is probably the most hated word among women today, but the meaning has been grossly distorted. Perhaps the first thing that needs to be said about submission is that it does not cancel out equality. Everyone must submit to other people. In Ephesians, Paul says Christians are to submit one to another. The outstanding manifestation of true submission is seen in our Lord's submitting of himself to the Father. Jesus didn't find it a reproach to submit to the Father; he delighted in it. It was voluntary on his part. In no way did he regard it as a threat to the equality which he knew existed between himself and the Father. Submission does not mean inequality. Literally, it means put yourself under, arrange yourself under someone, for a good and proper purpose. It is a totally voluntary action.

Paul says that wives submitting to their husbands is fitting. It is proper; it is right. There is an order of authority in all God's world. The Father observes it. The Son observes it. Everything in nature observes it. If the wife does not support and hold up her husband, and thus recognize his leadership role, there is chaos in the home. So the apostle's word to a wife is, submit yourself to your husband. Follow him, not in things that are wrong according to your conscience, but show yourselves to be behind your husband in everything that is right.

This is addressed to wives. It is not the husband's responsibility to make his wife submit! After the first service this morning a man said to me, I opened my Bible the other day and the first thing I saw was this verse, 'Wives, submit to your husbands.' I said to him, But that is not addressed to you. That is something Paul tells your wife to do. It is the next verse that God addresses to you. The husband's role in marriage is contained in Paul's words, Love your wife. The word is agapao. That is God's word for love: honor, value, respect, guard, protect, delight in your wife. This is something a husband is to plan for and work at, not only on Valentine's Day or on wedding anniversaries, but all through the year as well.

Husbands must also put off harshness in relation to their wives. It belongs to the old nature. Husbands are not to be caustic, bitter, resentful or sarcastic toward their wives. These things are especially hurtful to women. Lord Byron said, Man's love is of man's life a thing apart; 'tis woman's whole existence. Women are made differently than men. You can be sharp with a man friend and he will shrug it off and not become upset by it. But if you do that with your wife, you will cut her deeply. So put off these traits of criticism and sarcasm. They are from the old life.

Thank you for the gift of marriage, Father. Just as you have loved me unconditionally, teach me to love others in the same way.