Children and Fathers

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Colossians 3:20-21

The word obey comes from Greek words which mean to hear under someone. Thus, children are exhorted to listen to their parents, recognizing that they are over them and have authority in their lives. Parents should point out to their children that they can please God by their willing obedience to them. Why is that pleasing to God? Because it preserves peace in the home, for one thing. Disobedient children are always a cause of strife and difficulty. Further, because it teaches respect for all authority. God knows that this is an immensely important part of life and ought to be taught to children as they are growing up.

Next, the apostle gives us the other side of the coin in words addressed to fathers. The word for embitter is from the word to stir up, arouse, or irritate. That does not mean that parents are never to say or do anything that makes their children feel irritated. Discipline can often irritate a child. We must not seek to avoid every instance of that. But this word is given in the present continuous tense. Thus it is really saying, Fathers, do not keep on irritating your children. Don't keep hammering away at it, nagging them, or they will become discouraged. This is an important lesson for fathers. One of my grandsons was a bit sullen the other day when I was correcting him about something. When I asked him why he was acting that way, he said, Because you're always accusing me. That gave me pause. I did not realize it looked like that to him. I did not think I was always accusing him, but to him it looked that way. I realized I had better change and approach things differently. That is what this word to fathers is about.

I have discovered through long experience that there are three things fathers do that are particularly irritating to children. The first is to ignore them. A father who has no time for his child soon creates in him a deep-seated resentment. The child may not know how to articulate the problem, but he feels worthless. A second source of irritation is to indulge your children, giving them everything they want. That soon will make them restless and dissatisfied. Children long for guidance and direction, not for superficial indulgence. Such indulgence will frequently create a deep-seated feeling of resentment. Insulting them, calling them names and putting them down, is also a source of resentment in children. They will become discouraged and put off from the things of God. I once heard of a father who was in the military and who would line up his children every morning and give them orders. Once as he was giving them their orders for the day he asked, Any questions? His son put up his hand and asked, How do you get out of this outfit? Many a child sooner or later will be asking the same question if their fathers do not obey the word of the apostle, Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Thank you for the gift of children, Lord. Teach me to love and lead them the way you have loved and led me.