"Truthing" in Love

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Ephesians 4:15

The essential admonition in Scripture regarding the ministry of building up and edifying one another in the body of Christ is found here in Ephesians 4:15. In the Greek, the verb speaking does not appear. This verse says simply, truthing in love. It conveys a sense not merely of speaking the truth, but demonstrating the truth through our lifestyle and behavior in every area of life.

Most of us tend to shy away from confrontational situations. Confrontation is unpleasant. But in the church, confrontation is sometimes necessary for the health of the church. This is an area where Christians often fail one another and allow the body of Christ to become unhealthy and ineffective. If someone has an unpleasant or irritating habit, we're quick enough to discuss it with others — but are we willing to say something directly to that person? If we do, it is usually only when we have been angered or annoyed to the point of unloading on that person in a destructive way! Why are we so reluctant to deal with our complaints and objections face to face? We tell ourselves, I don't want to hurt his feelings or I don't want to make her feel bad. But we're just fooling ourselves.

The fact is, we don't want to pay the price of speaking the truth in love. We don't want to risk having to deal with an uncomfortable situation. It's so much easier to simply gripe behind that person's back rather than to lovingly confront their sin or flaw. The problems that in our silence and timidity, we do that person much harm. We condemn them to go on offending others and suffering rejection, when we could allow God to use us to produce positive change in that person's life! Worst of all, we baptize our silence, convincing ourselves that our cowardly avoidance of confrontation is actually a mark of Christian love.

Christians who have lived in an authentic atmosphere of body life will tell you: They are grateful beyond words that another Christian has cared enough to illuminate their blind spot, and to help them become more mature and more like Jesus. Confrontation is painful and unpleasant for everyone involved — but it is the pain of health-giving surgery, not the pain of a damaging injury.

Confrontation must always be undertaken in a spirit of humility and gentleness, in the full knowledge that we ourselves are vulnerable to errors and blindspots, and someday it will be our turn to be confronted. There are a few people in almost every church who love to confront others, who arrogantly take it upon themselves to run other peoples' lives. We must take seriously the words of Galatians 6:1: Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Father, confrontation is hard. We need your power and love to do it effectively in a spirit of community and restoration.